Turn your parenting “commands” into these more effective declarative statements.

https://lifehacker.com/the-best-way-to-get-your-kids-to-actually-listen-1850892285

“We spend our lives as parents being the boss of our kids, telling them where to go, what to do, and when to do it. This type of communication “does not foster relationship development,” says Linda K. Murphy, author of Declarative Language Handbook: Using a Thoughtful Language Style to Help Kids With Social Learning Challenges Feel Competent, Connected, and Understood and declarativelanguage.com. However, she says, “Declarative language shares information without placing demands. It may share information related to an observation, a memory, a plan, an idea, a feeling, or an opinion.”

Some examples of declarations that might lead your child to take action include:

• Observation: The dog looks hungry. (Instead of, “Feed the dog.”)
• Memory: I remember that you had a math test today. I’d love to hear how it went. (Instead of, “Tell me about your test.”)
• Plan: It’s time to leave for school. (Instead of, “Get in the car” or “Go to the bus stop.”)
• Idea: I think it would be fun to go to ride bikes right now. (Instead of, “Go outside and ride your bike for a bit.”)
• Feeling: Your sister looks sad after being yelled at by you. She might want a hug or an apology. (Instead of, “Say you’re sorry.”)
• Opinion: It is cold out today! Let’s get your coat so you stay warm. (Instead of “You need to wear your coat.”)

Declarations work better than commands for a few reasons. “There’s volition and ownership,” says parent coach and psychiatrist, Jess Beachkofsky.”